Alright, so this week I’m here to discuss and very serious topic. This year’s presidential election is being taken very lightly and a lot of people have no intentions on even voting. Nah, I’m lying. I don’t care about that so on to what I’m really here for.
I be drunk a lot, but then again the sun rises and sets every day so what else is new? And because scientists still haven’t been able to discover exactly why (or because this topic matters to no one else besides me, whatever) I seem to get the most incredible munchies when I’m drunk. And so after an extensive amount of research, I’ve pretty much discovered some of the best and worst places to unleash my turnt up hunger upon.
- Taco Bell: Yo, have you ever had any of those cinnamon twist joints drunk out of your mind?! Yeah, I haven’t either because I always forget to order them, but I imagine that they would taste completely amazing. Taco Bell is pretty much like the ugly girls of food; being drunk just makes eeeeeeeverything about it way better than it actually is.
- Ihop: One word….chicken n’ waffles and watermelon lemonade. And yes, you’re a h** if you point out the fact that was nowhere near one word.
- Checkers: Yeah, I said it. But don’t get too excited about it just yet, the wings and that spicy chicken sandwich are the only things that count. Yeah, you’re pretty much still a code red national threat if you eat anything else off the menu. Oh and research is still pending on that fry burger.
1. Waffle House: For real yo, y’all gotta quit eating this s***. And for some reason, I still seem to be the only person on the planet that finds it unethical to eat at a place that acts like it impossible to make pancakes like they don’t require the same exact batter waffles are made with, but whatever, I’m sleep.
2. Krystal’s: Yo, how is this the only thing on the planet that still manages to be the exact same amount of terrible when you’re drunk? Remember those “starving children in Africa” your parents warned you about every time you played with your food? Yeah, they wouldn’t even put this in their systems.
3. Ramen noodles: This is here and last for two different reasons. First, people only eat this as a last resort. Nobody has ever actually just “had the taste” for any of these. And secondly, they always fake satisfy you. You don’t ever realize that they’re still wack a** ramen noodles until after you eat them.
If you have any other suggestions or want to dispute anything on the lists just go ahead and direct it to my email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be sure to get back at you. Well, yet another day and yet more knowledge dropped on y’all. What would y’all ever do without me? Yeah, I know, nothing. Ha. Swag me out and I’m out.