I think am in love with my best friend’s girlfriend. They have been together for about three years. She and I were close friends at one point. We use to go to the movies, go out for lunch, have sleepovers, and just hang out. One night we were at her house and we were watching Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta. We were talking about the people on the show and laughing about it. We stopped laughing and just looked at each other. It wasn’t an ordinary stare and I felt some sexual tension. She must’ve felt it too because she leaned in and kissed me. We were on the sofa, then we pulled each other down on the floor. I rolled on top of her, then went down. You can probably guess what I did. Anyway, after I finished, she told me we couldn’t hang out anymore and she made me leave. Since then, she hasn’t spoken to me or even looked at me. I feel hurt. I want to talk to her and tell her how I feel or at least restore our friendship but, I don’t know how. I’m more focused on the friendship part because if I tell her that I love her and want to be with her, she might tell my best friend for whatever reason and I’ll end up losing his friendship. Not only that, but if my best friend ever found out what happened between me and his girl, he might leave her, and who knows? If folks ask him why he broke up with his girl, he’ll tell them she’s a lesbian, thus exposing me. I mean, I am a girl who likes girls. I have been keeping this a secret for a long time and I date guys, even though I know in my heart it won’t last. I’m just not ready to come out yet. This sucks so much. What should I do?

– Too Confused

Lady Scarlett says:

Your friendship may never be the same. Even if she does let you back in her life, every time she looks at you it will be a constant reminder of what happened, which I feel is risking your secret even more. Keep that into consideration, and if you think she is worth it then keep trying. But also remember that some people are only meant to be in your life temporarily; you should not have to beg anyone to be your friend. Apologize for the situation and tell her how you feel. If she still wants to leave, let her! She had her part in the situation also. Stop beating yourself up and just let life happen.

Blu-Fate says:

As a friend to both people in a relationship, you owe it to them to be completely honest. A true friend will admit to any wrong doings no matter how embarrassing it will be. Honesty & loyalty is hard to come by. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what would want them to do if they were you. From a guys standpoint, three years is a long time to be in a relationship and if he loves her and cares about your friendship with him, the three of you should be able to talk and work this out. Be yourself and comfortable with your sexuality; if you aren’t, you can’t expect others to do the same. Express your true feelings to your friend and his girlfriend, it will take a load off of your chest and if they are your true friends, they should forgive, forget, and accept you for you. Everything happens for a reason and this may be the stepping stone to accepting your sexuality.

Readers, what do you think? Leave your comment below.

Originally published August 12, 2012