Girls and food. What do they have in common? Well um, pretty much nothing, nothing at all. They are vital to our lives though. Vital enough to make us stop and think, “So what if girls were restaurants? What types of restaurants would they be?” Why are these the types of thoughts to come across my mind? I don’t know. Maybe I should stop drinking. I doubt that happens though. There was no way we could have ideas this dope and just let them go to waste, so we decided to make this.
· McDonalds: These are those mad loyal girls. They will literally be there with you through thick and then. From struggle to success. From Blackberry to iPhone. Just like that $2.99 double cheeseburger meal, you know these girls can always be counted on. And they even have new dope things to contribute to your life from time to time just like those wings. Real @#%^! know the lingo.
· Burger King: These girls have nice things to offer, but they’re honestly just not that dope. No real reason why, that’s just the way it is. I mean yeah, you’ll probably mess with these from time to time, but they’re not really anybody’s first priority.
· Wendy’s: Nah b. These ain’t the ones you want. These are the types of girls with multiple kids before you even meet them. And all they do is Instagram them all day long. Don’t get me wrong, they can be good from time to time, but these are the ones that usually get passed on the way to McDonald’s.
· Zaxby’s: This is that one girl that used to get slept on all the time back in the day . . . until she started to find herself and just got real bad out of nowhere. And now everybody is trying to hop on her. She hasn’t forgot about how she used to be treated though and she still gets her revenge (prices).
· Chick-Fil-A: These are those model broads that you’ve always dreamed about with the booking info in their Twitter bios and for some reason, she still shows you some attention. It always makes you feel like LeBron winning a championship every time it happens.
· Taco Bell: Remember that one girl that seemed like everything Frank Ocean was singing about in Thinking About You before . . . well anyway, she looked like the one. Until you enlarged her Twitcon and it was all just a complete waste of your time.
· Wing Joints: These are that dope girl that you completely feel. The only bad thing is that she’s never leaving your hometown so you’re rarely ever going to get to see her once you leave for school.
· Arby’s, Hardee’s, Krystal’s, etc: Hoes.
Well, that’s all for now. I’m off to go figure out exactly how Batman walked back to Gotham from Persia. Anyway, feel free to come show us some love. We can always be found @JoseAintShxt & @Pipe_Tyson. And never forget, quit trusting dudes with shirtless twitcons.
Originally published August 12, 2012